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| 07:23pm 02/01/2006 |
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mood:  relieved
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Well, Dustin DID break up with me, that was pretty awesome. I cried for an entire day and since the day he dumped my ass was pay day, I took the bus down to Salem to visit him. Oh my God, I was SOOOO scared about seeing him. I was worried he would either a) be a complete and utter jackass to me and I would feel like complete shit; b) or walk out on me and NOT talk to me; or c) I’d be off his visiting list. Which of those happened? None of them. He walked in, though, with this look on his face when he saw me. I don’t really know what to call it either: like he was petrified to see me, or he was hurt and sad, but he definitely didn’t look mad. I was scared too. Like I didn’t know whether to like hug him or kiss him or what. So I stood up, we hugged and he gave me a peck and we sat down. I told him I was sorry and he said what I wrote hurt him a lot and then probably not even a half hour later, he was laughing and joking with me and I was “undumped”. According to him, though, I never was broken up with-even though he told me he never wanted to see me again. He said of course when he DID see me, then he basically melted and he couldn’t stay mad at me. I guess his friends all gave him shit for being a “sucker”. LOL. Actually that’s good to know-for me. I spent….Wednesday through Friday in Salem, I saw him Thursday and Friday, both sessions. The feelings I got from him were completely different too, he was a lot….well, I guess a lot more sweet.
One thing I was worried about was that he was going to push my sleeve up and find out that I had cut myself. I know he knows. He was being real touchy-feely like always and every time he’d get near the right arm, I’d sort of pull back and that’s a little obvious, I just didn’t want him seeing it or knowing that I did it. Then he ended up lifting up the sleeve and like peeking down it and THAT was when he turned sweeter than usual. He didn’t say anything to me, though. I was pretty surprised by that. He was giving me some lecture about how I need to get a job and get my shit together because he wants to take care of me, but I need to make it a little easier for him because he can’t do everything for me and it’s gonna be a little while before he can do that. I started getting annoyed and then when we had the second-maybe it was the first session of the second day, but he told me he went back to his cell he was thinking about what he had said and that I told him that I don’t like doing job interviews because I get really nervous and can’t talk or anything, and he was apologizing for getting on me and that he won’t be mad if I don’t have a new job by the time he gets out because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. Then he was apologizing for overreacting too much with me and that he feels like he is way too hard on me sometimes-which he is, but I told him he’s not. I also found out that Chris didn’t even send the letter to be mean, he sent it because he thought it was funny and he thought Dustin would laugh at my description of my nedden. Nope. I got a letter back from Chris, too and he said he mailed it to Dustin and that he knew that shit already so he really didn’t think it would cause any trouble. WRONG. He’s known Dustin a lot longer than me and I know how sensitive he is when it comes to anything involving me. He was trying to get me to send Dustin underwear shots cuz he complains he doesn’t have any and I said he wasn’t getting any just because he can’t keep anything to himself. Chris thinks since Dustin is so paranoid about somebody STEALING me from him he would never show anyone. I know Dustin does worry too much about people stealing me. I’ve tried to tell him that they could try but I’d have to let them and I really don’t plan on letting anyone.
Ohhh one awesome thing was said! Dustin said to me Friday, that he can’t wait to get out so that he can ask me to marry him! I was like, “Well, you know I want to marry you,” and he was like, “Yeah, but I want to have like an official proposal with a ring and shit.” He was telling me that the wedding season in there’s been really hard for him because he wanted to ask me to marry him, even in there, so bad but he thought it would be cheating me if we got married while he was still locked up. I really don’t care, I want to marry him regardless. Then right before I left in one of the morning sessions, he hugged from behind and he had his chin on my shoulder and his arms around me and he rubbed my belly all, “I can’t wait til there’s a little bump right here.” I don’t know, but that gave me the best feeling. He decided that we’re stuck cuz we ain’t ever going to break up “I can’t do shit without you.” From the sounds of it, we were both wrecks, I hadn’t eaten since Christmas and he hadn’t eaten since the 23rd and neither one of we’re sleeping. He was telling me his homeboys were giving him shit about how he shouldn’t starve himself just cuz of some broad. His knuckles were all split open too so I felt bad about that. I think we decided that it’s healthiest for us to be together, it’s like…fuck….it’s in our best interests. LOL. Otherwise, we’re both pathetic self-destructive zombies or some shit like that. For real He was all talking shit on his counselor from Columbia River because she was always trying to tell him that he was way too obsessive and dependent on me and he still denies that. Honestly, we both are. We don’t have like a healthy love and I admit that I am real dependent on him, I can’t function worth shit when we aren’t getting along and I know that my sadness goes beyond a normal depression. Seriously, I was like, “Well, if this visit turns out shitty and he don’t want to see me, I’m just going to kill myself.” I know it’s bad when you understand stories like Romeo and Juliet and anything where somebody kills themselves to prove to somebody else how much they love them. I really do not want to live if Dustin don’t want anything to do with me. Simple as that, I do not want to live. Shrug. He knows that’s how I feel, and the only reason I told him was because he said the same exact thing to me. And I was like, “Good. Now I don’t feel like a total psycho thinking blah, blah, blah…” and that when I said I would love him until the day I died I would but I could not live if he never reciprocated that love back to me. I would not move and really, the best thing would be for me-both of us-to just kill ourselves. We both have self-destructive personalities; I know that we’d both get way strung out, he might go back to prison, it would just be a prolonged suicide. I told Jesse (old roommate) that I was not going to be drinking just because I would do something real bad. FORTUNATELY I do not have to worry about that anymore. Me and Dustin are still together so nobody is doing anything stupid. You know I think he took me more sincerely when he did figure out what I did to myself. Dustin is not a normal guy. He even dated a girl in school after she carved his name in her arm and it didn’t bother him. I think he probably thought, “Well, if she didn’t love me she wouldn’t have done that.”
Happy Subject: Dustin has a little over THREE month left in prison!!!! I’m psyched, I can not wait for him to get out so we can both be disgustingly codependent on one another! Ha. His mom was all asking me, Christmas, if we set a wedding date and I was like “No…?” Confused look “Well, has he asked you?” “We’ve talked about it” and she was telling me how excited she was for us to have kids. I know anyone whose reading this is thinking “Those two do not need to reproduce” but I don’t know. We’ll be good parents, I’m sure. You know what’s really weird? Like I maybe knew him for two months, and I decided I wanted to be like his babies’ momma. Like way back when we were eighteen and he always went around telling everyone that I was the girl he was going to marry and they all laughed at him and gave him shit because I hated him for a little while, “Man, that girl cannot STAND you.” Haha, I couldn’t! The weird thing was, after we hung out the second time, I told Jen, “Oh if there is a god and he hates me, he’ll make me marry Dustin.” We aren’t married yet, but I think it’s funny I would have said that about him and he’d say that about me. I always knew something was up, though. I remember being way ticklish on my knees and everyone drove me nuts with that and me and Dustin didn’t know eachother well or nothing, but he like grabbed my knee and nothing happened. No ticklishness, just like this different-not a sexual kind-but this other kind of tingle. I still feel like that when he touches me. When I touch people I always get this weird feel like maybe like I’m invading the space bubble or their aura and when we touch there is no magnetic forcefield effect, like we belong together. I’ve had other boyfriends and I always felt that bubble around them when I touched ‘em. I always feel like we should touch, I’ve always felt that way, even when he was way obnoxious and I would have liked to kick him. He’s always been different. I am a better person when we’re around eachother, I know I am more confident and I feel like I can do anything and I feel protected. I remember right before he went to prison, I was seeing this guy and it was obviously not going to work and I started thinking about Dustin A LOT and then he pops up, and I hear he wants me to get a hold of him so we can fuck pretty much and I was way down and NOBODY would give me his number. Everyone was like, “Oh blah, blah, blah Dustin will hurt you, he is an asshole, you don’t want him”. It makes me mad how everyone was always trying to prevent us from being together since day one. Ha, NOW there’s no way anybody could get us apart. I’m pretty thankful for that. |
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| .... |
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| 07:21pm 27/12/2005 |
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mood:  distressed music: Lovesong by the Cure
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God I feel like a complete and utter piece of shit. I wrote Dustin’s brother about Dustin always whining and guilt tripping me and he sent him my letter, even though wrote:
“Dustin is a fag you don’t even know…. I’m not gonna get into it, tho. I can’t believe he puts guilt trips on you after he chewed me out with a 4-page letter talkin’ nothin’ but “You better not guilt trip her blah, blah, blah,” he such a hypocrite. You should be guilt tripping his ass. You got all kinds of reasons to. How ‘bout….he keeps losin’ good time…, or he’s always doing retarded shit and going to the hole. There are a million things to trip on, just pick one and lay it on thick…Fuck Dustin, he deserves it.”
And also:
“He takes some of the stupidest shit serious sometimes. I’ll be like, “Remember when I told so-and-so blah, blah, blah about you? Hahaha,” and he’s all “Shut up, that shit’s not funny,” then he’ll drag on about it, talk about a moron.”
I might have said Dustin was being a whiny little crybaby but I wasn’t trying to be mean or hurt his feelings. I’ve said the same things to him, but I shouldn’t have said anything to his brother, I should have just left it between me and Dustin. I feel so bad because I know that it hurt his feelings and I never wanted to hurt him. I love him so much and I want to spend my life with him, but I know that ain’t going to be happening if I keep fucking things up with him. For real, I have never felt this away about anyone and I hate myself for hurting him. He doesn’t deserve to get treated like an idiot or whatever. Yeah, so that’s how my Christmas started.
I went over to his Nanny’s house with his mom and stepdad (Chris’s dad) and the first thing I hear is about how Dustin was so pissed off at me that he didn’t even want me going over there, or being around his family and apparently they all knew he was way pissed off ay me before I got there. I felt like a real piece of shit and I just felt all mopey and depressed being there with his family thinking about how mad he was at me. I completely ruined his Christmas. I want to see him so bad now and be able to apologize to him in person. I know that it hurt him real bad to read what I wrote about him, he is awfully sensitive. I am such a piece of shit. His mom and I might go down there on Thursday and she’s going to let me go to the first visiting session by myself so we can talk and work things out and I’m glad about that. I know how Dustin is when he is upset and I am completely dreading that, but I know it’s something that I have to do. It’s my own fault and I know that I brought it on myself. Poor Dustin, I’m a real piece of shit to him.
His guilt trips are real, real annoying but I know that if I did make more of an effort to see him, I wouldn’t be getting them. I can’t be bitching at him for getting his feelings hurt, I should be thankful that somebody loves me as much as he does (or did). The only reason he gets so upset with me is because he misses me and loves me and wants to see me. I hope I haven’t ruined things between us, I hope I haven’t come to my realizations once its too late to salvage anything. I honestly have no clue what I would do, or where I would be if we broke up. I have NEVER loved anyone quite like this. He can make me feel so amazing sometimes and then like total scum other’s and I know I must be making him feel miserable right now L. God I don’t want to lose him, I’d be so lost without Dustin in my life.
Then where the fuck does Chris get off sending that shit to Dustin? Dustin thinks he did it because he doesn’t want him to get hurt, but…um… I got pretty much coaxed into it, I didn’t think that it would turn out like this. He didn’t tell Dustin he was agreeing with me in his letter to me, all Dustin saw was my response. Even if I did send Dustin Chris’s letter, he would be like, “I was just trying to see if she would talk shit on you, dawg, I was looking out for you.” What a real fucking piece of shit. I think that Chris is either a) jealous that Dustin has friends writing him and a girlfriend and Chris doesn’t have any of those things or b) He wants Dustin just to himself and thinks that if I’m out of the picture him and Dustin can kick it when he gets out without me taking Dustin away from him. He had no right to cause problems with me and Dustin, we weren’t exactly getting along anyway and in my opinion if Dustin had somebody keeping him away from his brother, his chances of staying out of prison are a whole lot better. He looks up to him so much and thinks Chris is the coolest, he’d do anything for his brother. That’s what scares me the most, that now that Chris obviously has a problem with me, Dustin won’t want to be with me and we won’t be together anymore. Like I said, I do not want to lose Dustin, he means more to me than anyone else in this whole fucked up world. It makes me sick to think that he might just get rid of me and then the thought of him being with another girl…
Ew and my stupid ass wound up cutting on myself again and the real gross thing was I covered it with gauze, right. So When I took the gauze off this morning, the blood just started gushing and it actually SQUIRTED out of the cut into my face for like a second. How disgusting is that? So I shoved some toilet paper into it and went in the kitchen and slowed the bleeding down and then I wiped it out with one of those alcohol prep pads and bandaided it up and it bled a little more but now it knocked it off. I know Dustin will be pissed at me for doing it, but I was pissed at myself. I’m such a liar, too, I told him I cut my leg because I got in a fight with my dad and I burnt myself because my CDs got stolen, but really was because me and him were not getting along. Fuck, fuck, fuck what are we going to do? You know and I actually even like his family, they’re actually nice to me. I don’t want to go through the whole “new” relationship thing, meet a whole new family…I want to marry Dustin, have his babies and all that, I can’t imagine anyone else fathering my babies. I will be so devastated if he decides to break up with me, I won’t know what to do with myself.
I just want to be there with him right now, I want to hold him in my arms and just breathe his smell in and tell him how sorry I am and let him know that I will forever love him. I wasn’t lying about that. I wasn’t lying when I told him that I will wait for him and be loyal to him and that I will always love him-until the day I die. I still mean it. I am sure he will get over this, he gets mad at me for a week or so and gets over it. I guess me “dissing him to his bro” is a little worse than me just not visiting. It is. I shouldn’t have made fun of him to Chris. I know I would have been hurt to find out that Dustin was making fun of me to people. But he told Chris that I have a dildo that I keep in a box on my nightstand and he knew that that was one of the things I did not want anyone knowing about. I didn’t want him telling people about how I masturbate or the little fantasies I have about people and he does tell them, that’s pretty bad isn’t it? I know the reason I don’t send him panty shots of me because he will show everyone and that’s nobody else’s business. Is that any worse than me telling his brother about his guilt tripping me and whining? I mean, he does overreact a lot on some subjects. For real, he is too sensitive about things. I don’t know….. I love him so much, though, he’s my everything…. |
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| fuckin fuck life |
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| 04:44pm 17/12/2005 |
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Ha my gay ass work cut me down to one day a week. i probably will have to kill myself. |
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| damn it |
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| 02:59pm 14/11/2005 |
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mood:  lonely music: Alice in chains "Nutshell"
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I'm so pissed off at dustin, he started this whole gay prison riot thing and now I can't even visit him or talk to him on the phone until like, uh, July, when he gets out and pulled this bullshit on me how i must not be real about me feelings for him because I havent seen him in a long time and I'm fake. so i sent him off a letter and said that if he can't believe me when I tell him how i feel, then maybe, we shouldn't be together, that's the same as saying you don't trust me and he always said that if he couldn't trust me then we're through. God, if I didn't love him i wouldn't go through this shit with him, he frustrates me so fucking much. fuck. I spent sunday on the phone with his mom for like an hour, too. That's not something you do when you're playing somebody. I told him that I'd be stupid to play him anyway, he has no money, no job, he's in prison, and has no material possessions. There aint shit i can get out of him. I'm just so fucking pissed off at him that i wound up cutting the shit out of my leg bad and deep. i wasn't going to do it anymore but i didn't know what else to do. I wish it was as simple as me not meaning what i tell him, it would be easy to forget about him, but i do love him and i do want to be with him. I told him for as big of an asshole he is if i didn't love him, i sure the fuck wouldn't be with him. he's a fucking dick. I'm going to go the arnada and drink my sorrows away. |
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| damn it |
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| 02:59pm 14/11/2005 |
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music: Alice in chains "Nutshell"
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I'm so pissed off at dustin, he started this whole gay prison riot thing and now I can't even visit him or talk to him on the phone until like, uh, July, when he gets out and pulled this bullshit on me how i must not be real about me feelings for him because I havent seen him in a long time and I'm fake. so i sent him off a letter and said that if he can't believe me when I tell him how i feel, then maybe, we shouldn't be together, that's the same as saying you don't trust me and he always said that if he couldn't trust me then we're through. God, if I didn't love him i wouldn't go through this shit with him, he frustrates me so fucking much. fuck. I spent sunday on the phone with his mom for like an hour, too. That's not something you do when you're playing somebody. I told him that I'd be stupid to play him anyway, he has no money, no job, he's in prison, and has no material possessions. There aint shit i can get out of him. I'm just so fucking pissed off at him that i wound up cutting the shit out of my leg bad and deep. i wasn't going to do it anymore but i didn't know what else to do. I wish it was as simple as me not meaning what i tell him, it would be easy to forget about him, but i do love him and i do want to be with him. I told him for as big of an asshole he is if i didn't love him, i sure the fuck wouldn't be with him. he's a fucking dick. |
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| Passing notes |
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| 03:46pm 01/10/2005 |
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mood: embarrassed music: I want to sex u up by color me badd
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Me & katie got our sunday shift taken from us so we took up bashing coworkers in the form of notes and lazy lists. Well one i wrote telling she needs to suck the boss off a lil better got intercepted and now we are in trouble 4 notepassing and gossiping. THAT IS RETARDED! |
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| Twiztid show |
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| 10:34pm 26/09/2005 |
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mood: giggly music: Twiztid
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Oh the twiztid show was TIGHT! I had fun and i was cute too. ABK wasnt there though. That sux the R.O.C. were good PDM were good. I bought a madrox shirt 4 my ho. This cute juggalo in front of me @ the metal detector had green spiderleg hair and i said it was cute he asked me if i wanted 2 touch it so i did and then he asked if iw anted a hug so i gave him a bear hug. I was drunk! |
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| Work drama |
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| 02:13pm 25/09/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated
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Ugh any workplace full of females is nothing but drama. Now Christy wants to get Katie fired. Yes Katie IS lazy but I'd rather work with a lazy person thats fun than a motivated boring person plus katie is the only person my age. We have fun together when we work... |
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| Fiendin like a motha fucker |
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| 11:04pm 24/09/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Dope -just 1 fix-
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Oh wow i havent done dope-meth-in like 3 months. I only did it one time this year. So hear i am at work and this guy who comes in zippin around the store with the 'i just got high for the first time in a couple days' sort of aura and my stomach got all tight and i got all jittery and anxious and thought if no one else was in here i would ask for just a tiny bit like a bump or a hit off his pipe i know he would he wants me n shit so e leaves and im still on this DOOOPPPPPPE trip and dialed the 1st 3 digits of jamies number then thought 'no dustin will kill me even though he did dope 2 weeks ago. Plus getting strung out isnt cool |
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| Dum-de-dum |
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| 12:22pm 24/09/2005 |
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mood: tired
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God I am so bored, I am just sitting here on my couch with my cell phone entering CRAP in here watching Supernanny. Man watching this scares me about having kids. I know me and Dustin planning on having kids but I am scared our kids willbe out of control like these kids. I hope I don't get pregnant right away cuz Dustin SAYS he doesnt want kids immediately but then I hear from his mom that he's wanting to get me pregnant ASAP. I almost think that Dustin thinks if we have a baby I wont leave him. I'm not real sure what he does think. I know right away he was telling me right away he wants to marry me and get me pregnant this was back when I was with Josh. When I told him I didnt want to be on hormonal birth control he suggested we go bareback and go with whatever winds up happening. His mom told me she does want grandkids but Dustin needs to be stable 1st. Well duh |
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| Bored @ work |
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| 09:36pm 23/09/2005 |
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mood: hungry music: Motley Crues if i die tomorrow
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God do I hate my job. People are lazy and my boss says i have 2 be nice 2 every1 even sex offenders. Whatever 4 refuse 2 b nice 2 some rapeo. FUCK THAT! So cap'n dick anus will b getting a visit the 5th now maybe he'll quit cryin. Ok i WANT to see him i pretend not to but i love to. I love my boy even if hes the king of guilt trips....and refers to me as his lil jerk and asshole.... Oh shit check this out he wrote this about me in a dress 'i can just slide panties to the side, hike the dress up and slip up in you. Mmm. You can watch Full House while I just sit back and close my eyes with my hands on your titties & enjoy the feeling of your nedden engulfing my penis like a motha fuckin vacuum' aint he a sweet talker? I love that boy! |
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| 3 days til twiztid woop woop and 112 days til my boy can dick me down |
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| 11:31am 23/09/2005 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Murda Murda by Twiztid
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Fuhuhuhuck I am psyched 'bout the twiztid show! Fuckin excited. Imma get 2 the roseland by 3 in full clown paint n everythin. Woop woop! Imma roll up in the dead body PINTO wagon... NEXT time they down my boy will be wit me all juggalo n sexy. He got way hot this summer hes all tan got a sexy tummy on him. Day-yamn i cant wait 2 hit that! NEWAYS.... JUGG-LIFE! HOW LONG? 4EVA-4 ETERNITY. |
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| Horny 4 my thug! |
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| 10:43pm 11/09/2005 |
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mood: horny music: Tupac -thug n u thug n me-
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Goddamn I got 6 months left til I can get my hands on Dustin. But Im horny now! He is so sexy for real. God hes 6-3 he looks between Ben Affleck and Shaggy 2 Dope. Hes got these gorgeous brown eyes and he gets the sexiest look in them when he looks at me. I got so many things i want to do to him when he gets out. FUCK! Itd be great to just lay in bed and just make out without supervision. Dustin turns me on so bad just by looking @ me & touching me. |
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| Almost a year gone... |
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| 10:43pm 11/09/2005 |
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mood: full
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Wow its been almost a year but here I am on my couch with my puppy. Im still working @ the gas station and that inmate is now the love of my life. We plan on getting married & having a set of pitbulls & hopefully a few babies. My family is becoming somewhat accepting of Dustin. Im wanting to go to school he is as well. I havent even drank in some time. |
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| Our First 'Date' |
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| 10:43pm 01/12/2004 |
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mood: loved music: Jay z & beyonce -bonnie & clyde 04-
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I went to Salem to see Dustin. It was insane cuz the last time I saw him he was either high or coming down and hella bitchy now were suddenly this couple. I said i love u 2 him. He said it 1st tho. Then we had this total makeout session in the end. |
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| dOpEstArZ |
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| 10:23am 06/10/2004 |
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I am going to lay off the alcohol for a while. I went and got drunk at the bar like always, since it was pay day. And this guy was bothering me and Jamie, so we said we were lesbians. He said I was "too cute" and Jamie was "too aggressive" for us to be dykes. So the charade continued on. I was kissing Jamie on the lips, and apparently I opened my mouth enough for her tongue. Drunk instinct: a little more tongue. Then whoa: She was getting into it, so I go flying back. Then Tyler shows up with Harold and some girl while Jamie and I are dancing to Dark Lotus in the parking lot, in the rain. It's that song thats like, "If you think I'm sexy and you want my willy" and it was funny that's when he pulled up because it reminds me of him. So they get out, Tyler's like, "Hey Juggaloes" I correct him, "Juggalettes, we have neddens instead of wangs" "my bad juggalettes" |
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| Bagwhores, shit talkers, whiny drunks, and DOPE! |
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| 09:53pm 12/09/2004 |
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So I was stupid. I tried meth once. THAT lead to twice to two weeks straight of madness. I was up for over 14 days, it seemed like a day or two maybe, and a lot of weird shit happened in that period. Cody had the entire bar calling me a slut and a bagwhore, and then I got a group of tweekers to want to kick my ass for shit talking. Josh and I are sort of talking now that he is back to being the fat bum on his parents' loveseat. I still have a drinking problem. Last night I got hit on by a guy who later admitted to me that he abuses women, but then gave me his 2 drinks. Then my friend and I got a ride home with some crackheads, one of them almost got stabbed by another one and we got left on the side of the road. So we decided to hitchike. We got picked up by some mexican coke/meth dealer and wound up doing coke the entire night. I work in a gas station that's ready to fire me, I live at home STILL, and I still don't own a goddamn car!!!! I just wish I had some fucking cash, I am sick of being poor, stereotypical white trash. I want to do something with my life, but it's like nobody wants to let me. I keep getting fucked and fucked over. I'm so tired of it. Alot of it could have been prevented, but then again, nobody ever accused ME of being a genius. |
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| Shitty life |
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| 12:09pm 15/07/2004 |
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So here's whats going on with me. I quit A&W after the bastards broke my hand and made me finish my shift. SO now I work at a lame ass gas station where they wanna fire me. I don't drink as much, but I fry balls probably too much. I haven't heard from Josh in ages, apparently, now that he's responsible he gots no clown love for me. Whatever. I guess the people who loved him before that mean nothing. I got no car STILL. Still live with the 'rents. And my inmate friend wants me to have his baby. I'm on the path to white trashdom. |
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| lame ass life |
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| 01:32pm 07/05/2004 |
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Well, I've been working apparently in fast food you can only pick up your millionaire paychecks certain times of the day, and fucking planned parenthood won't let me go in for my shot until next friday. I need to get it by Tuesday. See, and now I'll get knocked up. FUCKERSSSS. |
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| my life that past week summed up in one minutre |
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| 08:41pm 08/04/2004 |
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mood: amused music: ICP
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I got really drunk and threw up in a bag and forgot about it 'til my room stunk. living with the parents is gay. I'm too old for it. I went to job corp for a better life and the only interviews I get are at Mc Donald's *crosses fingers* hope I get that job, the hamster's starving. JK. I drink way too much. My friends think I'm a junkie cuz I did heroin ONCE. Josh only wants to hang out when I'm on a drinking binge, which is fine, because I'd give him some nedden any day, and I have to stop talking dirt yo tDustin because chances are, when he gets out of jail, he'll want not just nedden, but my booty hole too. And nobody wants to drive me to Beaverton for a juggalo party tomorrow. I need a car!! cute juggaloes I can't get drunk and take advantage of goddammit!!! |
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seryphina's journal